


Dark Link's 4 Step Plan

by KinbariTeaHeathen



Category: Linked Universe - Fandom, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crack Fic, Legend shows up 10 minutes late with HyliaBucks, Mayo Hyrule, Twilight and kittens, and Mayo Four, based very loosely on a dream i had
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:20:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25599454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KinbariTeaHeathen/pseuds/KinbariTeaHeathen
Summary: Step 1: Capture as many of the 9 heroes significant others/friends as possibleStep 2: Subdue and capture the heroesStep 3: ???????Step 4: Profit.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 125





	Dark Link's 4 Step Plan

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic is, quite honestly, one of the fics I've had the most fun writing. Thank you LU Fandom for breaking my writers block. 
> 
> Also wow, can't believe I had a dream about the dream prophet writing this fanfic and then actually wrote it, self fulfilling prophecy go brrrrr

8 heroes stood under a shaded forest canopy, swords drawn, and pointed at their dark counterpart. There was a moment where nothing happened, as everyone waited for someone to make the first move. 

Then Twilight blinked, and suddenly Dark was right beside Time, leaning forward and whispering something into his ear. Time's expression shifted into something unreadable, and as Dark stepped away he proceeded to put his head in his hands, before slowly moving to lay face first on the ground. 

“...Huh.” Dark said, “I really didn't think it'd be that easy. Well, that's one down.” 

“What did you say to him?!?” Twilight yelled. 

“Something I really do not want to repeat. Now, who's next?” 

Twilight didn't give Dark much chance to think on it, charging at him immediately. Before he could hit him however, he was suddenly repelled, like some force prevented him from getting closer. He fell backward, landing on his back, momentarily stealing the breath from his lungs. He quickly recovered, and made to get back up, but was stopped as he suddenly felt movement on his chest. 

Looking down, he saw three little kittens staring up at him. 

And just like that, Twilight was out of the fight. 

After that, it was surprisingly easy for Dark to take the others out of the fight. He gave Wild a ridiculously complicated recipe he had found in an old abandoned castle, and the kid immediately went to get started on trying to make it. 

For Sky, Dark simply placed a romantic book in his hands, open to page one, and the skyloftian was immediately invested, focusing in on only the book and losing any attention he might've been paying to his surroundings. 

Hyrule was given a jar of mayo. Surprisingly enough this also managed to grab Four's attention as well, as he ran over and tried to take it from the poor traveller. The two of them ended up fighting each other. At this point, Shadow emerged from the darkness, clearly drawn out due to the chaos of what was happening. He hadn't said anything yet though, and instead was choosing to watch as Dark tried to subdue Wind and Warriors. 

The captain and the pirate seemed to be giving Dark Link the most trouble. He had already thrown a grand assortment of items their way, (including but not limited to; magazines, treasure, various articles of clothing, etc.), but nothing thus far seemed to work. 

“Oh forget about it, I'm done.” Dark eventually said, caving in, and he clapped his hands together. Almost instantly, Warriors and Wind fell asleep, laying on the ground in a pile. 

“Okay, now that they're dealt with, that just leaves one hero left.” Dark said, ignoring Shadow's mildly offended “You're just gonna ignore me?”, he scanned the field for the Hero of Legend. 

.......And was thoroughly surprised when he realized Legend wasn't there. 

He hadn't noticed before, but now that he thought about it, Legend had been missing since Dark Link had showed up. Actually, was Legend even there _before_ he had shown up? Dark couldn't remember. But still, one less Link just made this job easier for him he guessed. 

He took a moment to look at the chaos he had created. 

“Well I guess I won't need these anymore.” Dark said, and with a snap of his fingers, Ravio, Malon, and Marin appeared, bound in shadow ropes, and landed on the ground. Along with them came 3 fishes, a box of soap, and one bottle of honey. 

“What the fuck even was your plan?!?” Shadow shouted, at this point very confused. Why didn't Dark just use the fact that he had Ravio, Marin, and Malon captive to stop the Links from the beginning? That would've been so much more effective and dramatic!

...He chose to ignore the soap, fish, and honey. He didn't even want to know what Dark thought he was going to do with that. 

“I see no reason why I should explain myself to an amateur drama nerd.” Dark sneered. Almost instantly, Shadow's expression changed from confused to _very offended_. 

“Alright, _Dink_ , you just crossed the line.” Shadow said, stepping forward, fully intending on punching Dark's lights out. 

“I'm sorry, what did you just call me-” 

Dark didn't get to finish his sentence, as Ravio finally managed to get himself loose of the shadow ropes binding him, and almost immediately surged forward, firmly planting a fist into Dark's face. Not expecting it, Dark fell to the ground, but Ravio didn't intend on stopping anytime soon, and followed him down, continuing to beat him up. Shadow paused for a moment at Ravio's unexpected attack, but very quickly recovered, walking over to stand beside him and watch. 

“...Legend told me you weren't the type of person to start a fight.” 

“Oh, I most definitely am not, but I will end a fight once it's begun.” Ravio said, not even pausing in between swings, “Fights can be started with words, and boy, has he definitely said some words today.” 

“Well...” Shadow took a moment to consider this. “Yeah, I suppose you're right on that one.” 

“Of course, I am! Now, could you go and find Mr. Hero for me?” Ravio asked. Shadow glanced between Ravio and Dark, who was currently trying to shield his face from Ravio's relentless attacks, and decided that, you know what? He'd really rather not have to deal with possibly getting punched today, so with a nod and a salute, Shadow melted into the, well, shadows, to search for the currently MIA Hero of Legend. As Shadow disappeared, Ravio continued to punch Dark with no signs of ever stopping. 

“Ahem.”

Ravio paused mid punch, and turned to see Marin and Malon, now also free of their shadow binds, standing behind him. 

“Would you mind if we joined in?” Malon asked, rolling up her sleeves as she did. 

“Oh, of course not, go ahead.” Ravio said, backing up and giving them free reign. Upon seeing the two red haired ladies, Dark Link's eyes filled with fear. 

It was at this moment, that Legend entered the clearing. He did a double take, and then stared at the chaos in front of him.

“What the pina colada?” He mumbled. From across the field, Wild yelled:

“WHAT THE FUCK IS A PINATA COLADA?”

“It's a song!” Legend responded. 

“No it's a drink.” Time said, surprisingly clearly considering he was still laying with his face against the ground. 

“It's both you dumbasses.” Shadow said, suddenly appearing beside Legend. Legend jumped back, barely stopping himself from drawing his sword in defence. Instead, he chose to give Shadow a glare, which only succeeded in making him laugh. 

“Shouldn't you be with Four?” Legend asked. 

“He's...kinda busy at the current moment.” Shadow replied, gesturing to where Hyrule and Four were still fighting over the jar of mayo. Legend stared at them for a moment before sighing and putting his head in his hands. 

“I leave, for _two minutes_ , and you guys devolve into this.” 

“Well technically this is Dark's fault.” Shadow said. 

“Oh. That explains why Ravio, Marin, and Malon are beating him up.” 

There was a moment of relative silence as Legend and Shadow watched the chaos. 

“.....Where did Dark get mayo anyways?”


End file.
